Guy Writes The Greatest Complaint Letter Ever To Airline For Having To Sit Next To An Obese Person

MrsJrotax101

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Guy deserves a lifetime of free flights for this masterpiece of a letter.

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"
Dear Jetstar,

Do you like riddles? I do, that’s why I’m starting this letter with one. What weighs more than a Suzuki Swift, less than a Hummer and smells like the decaying anus of a deceased homeless man? No idea? How about, what measures food portions in kilograms and has the personal hygiene of a French prostitute? Still nothing? Right, one more try. What’s fat as ****, stinks like **** and should be forced to purchase two seats on a Jetstar flight? That’s right, it’s the man I sat next to under on my flight from Perth to Sydney yesterday.

As I boarded the plane, I mentally high-fived myself for paying the additional $25 for an emergency seat. I was imagining all that extra room, when I was suddenly distracted by what appeared to be an infant hippopotamus located halfway down the aisle. As I got closer, I was relieved to see that it wasn’t a dangerous semi-aquatic African mammal, but a morbidly obese human being. However, this relief was short-lived when I realised that my seat was located somewhere underneath him.

Soon after I managed to burrow into my seat, I caught what was to be the first of numerous fetid whiffs of body odour. His scent possessed hints of blue cheese and Mumbai slum, with nuances of sweaty flesh and human faeces sprayed with cologne - Eau No. Considering I was visibly under duress, I found it strange that none of the cabin crew offered me another seat. To be fair, it’s entirely possible that none of them actually saw me. Perhaps this photo will jog their memories.

Pinned to my seat by a fleshy boulder, I started preparing for a 127 Hours-like escape. Thankfully though, the beast moved slightly to his left, which allowed me to stand up, walk to the back of the plane and politely ask the cabin crew to be seated elsewhere. I didn’t catch the names of the three flight attendants, but for the purpose of this letter, I’ll call them: Chatty 1, Chatty 2 and Giggly (I’ve given them all the same surname - Couldnotgiveashit). After my request, Chatty 1 and Chatty 2 continued their conversation, presumably about how **** they are at their jobs, and Giggly, well, she just giggled. I then asked if I could sit in one of the six vacant seats at the back of the aircraft, to whichGiggly responded, “hehehe, they’re for crew only, hehehe“. I think Giggly may be suffering from some form of mental impairment.

I tried to relocate myself without the assistance of the Couldnotgiveashit triplets, but unfortunately everyone with a row to themselves was now lying down. It was then I realised that my fate was sealed. I made my way back to Jabba the Hutt and spent the remainder of the flight smothered in side-boob and cellulite, taking shallow breaths to avoid noxious gas poisoning. Just before landing, I revisited the back of the plane to use the toilet. You could imagine my surprise when I saw both “crew only” rows occupied by non-crew members. I can only assume Giggly let them sit there after she forgot who she was and why she’s flying on a big, shiny metal thing in the sky.

Imagine going out for dinner and a movie, only to have your night ruined by a fat mess who eats half your meal then blocks 50% of the screen. Isn’t that exactly the same as having someone who can’t control their calorie intake occupying half your seat on a flight? Of course it is, so that’s why I’m demanding a full refund of my ticket, including the $25 for an emergency row seat.

I’m also looking to be compensated for the physical pain and mental suffering caused by being enveloped in human blubber for four hours. My lower back is in agony and I had to type this letter one-handed as I’m yet to regain full use of my left side. If I don’t recover completely, I’ll have to say goodbye to my lifelong dream of becoming Air Guitar World Champion. If that occurs, you will pay.

To discuss my generous compensation package, email me at: [Redacted], or tweet me at: @RichWisken

No regards,

Rich Wisken.
"

Article from: http://www.stunnish.com/guy-writes-greatest-complaint-letter-to-airline/
 
Based on my experience with airlines and their lack of care, I'm guessing he'll be lucky just to get his ticket cost refunded.

My last two flights required me to endure several hours of breathing in the fumes from noxious humans seated next to me (both were women).

On the one flight, I was forced to turn on the overhead air, and blast them with a stream to push their stench back. The woman was upset because she was cold from the air, and called the flight attendant over who asked me to reduce the air. I said that I would not, and if forced would probably vomit. The air setting remained intact, and the offensive woman had to cover herself with a blanket, which additionally blocked her odor. :bleh:
 
Based on my experience with airlines and their lack of care, I'm guessing he'll be lucky just to get his ticket cost refunded.

My last two flights required me to endure several hours of breathing in the fumes from noxious humans seated next to me (both were women).

On the one flight, I was forced to turn on the overhead air, and blast them with a stream to push their stench back. The woman was upset because she was cold from the air, and called the flight attendant over who asked me to reduce the air. I said that I would not, and if forced would probably vomit. The air setting remained intact, and the offensive woman had to cover herself with a blanket, which additionally blocked her odor. :bleh:

I keep saying to myself every time it happens to me, "it's the essence of perfume, don't bath in it"......... and that could just be walking past one in the grocery store....
 
That guy should get over it. We ALL have to deal with that on airplanes and the crew is mostly less than helpful. At least it was Perth to Sydney and not something like Sydney to San Francisco.
 
I don't know why he didn't just move to another open seat somewhere else. That's what I would have done if they had some.

What are the attendants going to do, stop you? I'd tell them to try and stop me.
 
Even if there were no seats, i would have just stood in the back with the attendants.
It seems like they wouldn't care anyways.
 
I'm stuck next to the largest man going to Norway and in the middle seat. Hurray for the next 7 hours of my life under his armpit. Luckily my lovely girlfriend is on the other side and we can snuggle up.

So sad....
 
The very large man next to me moved to another seat, well more like open row after about an hour. The seats on the 787 are wider than the typical seat from my experience but this dude was BIG. The one guy you're like...don't sit next to me please please please...he's right next to you. And he was stuffing his face from the start. Popping cinnamon Altoids, bag of some form of candy, food? Other than that hour in armpit, I flew nearly 10,000 miles with an empty seat next to me.
 
I don't even get this... Why is he complaining to the airline company? And not the fat guy himself?

I bet he sat there quietly furious the whole flight and didn't say a thing to the guy. Then he throws this passive aggressive letter to the airline company after the fact demanding his money back. The airline did their job and brought him from point A to B.

It's not the airlines fault that the fat guy smelt like B.O.
 
They should have an aisle you walk down through security before you board that is the width of a seat. And if you don't fit you'll be stuck in the hallway and then you have to get a second seat! That'd be a simple way to solve this.
 
Photo looks so photochopped. This letter is hard to believe. You don't need permission to change into empty seats. Flight attendants don't give a shite. Like a comment above, just stand the whole flight. This is bogus.
 
Thats hilarious! Every time I'm on a flight, I'm always afraid it's going to be someone obese I have to sit with. Instead, I kinda sit there and hope its an attractive person while reading the skymall to await my fate . haha
 
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