Mother-in-law's email about future bride's uncouth behaviour goes viral

[MrsJrotax101]

Mother-in-law's advice to son's 'uncouth' future bride goes viral

Bride-to-be Heidi Withers was chided by her future mother-in-law for her "lack of grace"according to a cutting email that she shared with friends.

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Carolyn Bourne's apparent moral attitude is reminiscent of the Countess of Grantham's in ITV’s Downton Abbey

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Heidi Withers and Freddie Bourne on holiday in the US




The email purportedly from Carolyn Bourne warned her stepson's fiancée about her poor etiquette.

But after Miss Withers, a PA, forwarded the email to friends, it quickly spread and became the talk of the internet because of its high moral tone.

In the email, Mrs Bourne, from Dawlish, Devon, apparently tells off Miss Withers, 29, for the way she behaved when visiting the family in Devon in April.

It describes the behaviour of Miss Withers as “staggering in its uncouthness and lack of grace.”

Mrs Bourne, whose apparent moral attitude is reminiscent of the Countess of Grantham's in ITV’s Downton Abbey, reportedly warns her prospective daughter-in-law: “If you want to be accepted by the wider Bourne family, I suggest you take some guidance from experts with utmost haste.”

The email goes on: “Here are a few examples of your lack of manners: When you are a guest in another's house, you do not declare what you will and will not eat – unless you are positively allergic to something.
”You do not remark that you do not have enough food. You do not start before everyone else.
”You do not take additional helpings without being invited to by your host.
“When a guest in another's house, you do not lie in bed until late morning in households that rise early. You fall in line with house norms.
“You should never ever insult the family you are about to join at any time and most definitely not in public.
“You regularly draw attention to yourself. Perhaps you should ask yourself why. No one gets married in a castle unless they own it. It is brash, celebrity style behaviour.
“If your parents are unable to contribute very much towards the cost of your wedding, it would be most ladylike and gracious to lower your sights and have a modest wedding as befits both your incomes.
“One could be accused of thinking that Heidi Withers must be patting herself on the back for having caught a most eligible young man. I pity Freddie.”
Mrs Bourne, who is Freddie Bourne’s stepmother, and her husband Edward, 63, did not wish to comment.
The man in the middle – prospective bridegroom and businessman Freddie Bourne, 29, from Putney – was trying hard not to inflame the situation.
“I’m not commenting on the matter,” he said.

 

[MrsJrotax101]

Mother-in-law's email about future bride's uncouth behaviour goes viral

As any bride-to-be knows, making a good impression on one’s future mother-in-law is vital in ensuring that the big day goes according to plan.

Heidi Withers was the subject of a stinging email rebuke from boyfriend's step-mum

So when Heidi Withers received a vitriolic email apparently from her fiancé’s step-mother, accusing her of a lack of manners, it was clear she had not got off on the right foot.

Unfortunately things got a great deal worse when she forwarded the stern email to some of friends - who astonished by its tone - decided to give it a wider audience.

In no time at all the email had gone viral, becoming an internet sensation, and reaching tens of thousands of readers.

Problems began when Miss Withers, 28, a PA, who lives with her fiancé Freddie Bourne in Fulham, west London, visited his parents at their home in Dawlish, Devon.

Following the visit, Freddie’s step-mother, Carolyn Bourne, 60, a celebrated flower breeder, apparently fired off an email to her future daughter-in-law accusing her of being uncouth, rude and graceless.

The email said: “It is high time someone explained to you about good manners. Yours are obvious by their absence and I feel sorry for you.
It went on: “Your behaviour on your visit to Devon during April was staggering in its uncouthness and lack of grace.”
It added: “If you want to be accepted by the wider Bourne family I suggest you take some guidance from experts with utmost haste. There are plenty of finishing schools around. You would be an ideal candidate for the Ladette to Lady television series. Please, for your own good, for Freddie’s sake and for your future involvement with the Bourne family, do something as soon as possible.”
The email said Miss Withers’ behaviour had been so rude that it had left the family dog, Bomber, traumatized, depressed and anxious.
Listing a litany of alleged transgressions, the email accused Miss Withers of staying in bed too late; complaining about the food; cracking inappropriate jokes about the family and failing to send a card thanking them for their hospitality.
It also said: "You regularly draw attention to yourself. Perhaps you should ask yourself why...It is vulgar.”
In addition Mrs Bourne apparently criticised her future daughter-in-law’s plans for the wedding and said her aspirations were outstripping her finances.
The email said: “No one gets married in a castle unless they own it. It is brash, celebrity style behaviour.
“I understand your parents are unable to contribute very much towards the cost of your wedding. (There is nothing wrong with that...)
“If this is the case, it would be most ladylike and gracious to lower your sights and have a modest wedding as befits both your incomes.”
And in a stinging pay-off she apparently remarked: “One could be accused of thinking that Heidi Withers must be patting herself on the back for having caught a most eligible young man. I pity Freddie.”
Mr Bourne, 29, who runs an online bicycle shop, Capital Cycles, refused to comment on the email last night but conceded the matter had been discussed within the family.
He said: “Obviously this has been discussed within the family but we are not commenting other than that.”
Mr Bourne would not comment on whether the wedding was still going ahead.
Meanwhile Mrs Bourne, who runs Whetman Pinks Ltd nursery near Dawlish in Devon, also refused to be drawn on the content of the stinging email.
Yesterday she was attending a Horticultural Trades Association (HTA) plant show at Stonleigh Park, Coventry, with her husband Edward.
Mr Bourne said: “We are aware of what is being said. I know it is very boring, very repetitive and very dull but we will not be making any comment and neither will my wife.”
Miss Withers, who has a 23-year-old sister, September, was keeping a low profile last night and there was no sign of her at the flat she shares with her fiancé.
Her parents, Alan and Sylvia, who live in Ledbury, Herefordshire, were also not available for comment last night.
Miss Withers and Mr Bourne have been together for several years and enjoyed an extensive trip across the United States in 2009.
This is the latest example of an email that has caused embarrassment after going viral.
In 2009, Holly Leam-Taylor, a graduate trainee at consultants Deloitte quit after emails she sent to friends discussing attractive male staff, spread like wildfire across the internet.

 

[MrsJrotax101]

'Mother-in-law from hell' contradicted by real mother-in-law

A bride-to-be condemned as “uncouth” and “vulgar” by her her fiancé’s stepmother enjoyed a welcome vote of support – from her real future mother-in-law.

Penelope Godfrey (left) and Carolyn Bourne


Heidi Withers was berated as graceless and unladylike in a vitriolic email from Carolyn Bourne, the stepmother of her future husband Freddie Bourne, a businessman.

The message became an internet sensation after being rapidly circulated online, earning Mrs Bourne the nicknames “Miss Fancy Pants” and the “mother-in-law from hell”.

But Mr Bourne’s real mother, Penelope Godfrey, rode to Miss Withers’ defence, describing her in glowing terms as a “charming girl” with impeccable manners.

She pointedly dismissed Mrs Bourne’s depiction of her future daughter-in-law as opening a “can of worms”.

Speaking outside her home in Putney, west London, she said: “The whole thing has opened a can of worms that really should not have been opened.

“I love both my son and Heidi is a charming girl who I have never found rude – not once.
“She is also Freddie’s choice and will always be welcome in my home.”
Following a stinging rebuttal to Mrs Bourne from Miss Withers’s father – who said she was "up her own backside” – Mrs Godfrey laughed off fears that the wedding would be “awkward”, remarking: “We shall see.”
But asked for her thoughts on her ex-husband’s new wife, she stopped laughing, adding: “absolutely no comment.”
The couple, who are due to marry at the 12th Century Berkeley castle in Gloucestershire in October, put on a show of unity, walking hand in hand outside their flat in Fulham, west London.
Smiling as they strode down the road, accompanied by their shih tzu lapdog, Whisky, Miss Withers wore a prominent engagement ring on her left hand.
Friends and family also rallied around Miss Withers, 29, a PA from a West End recruitment firm.
Susan Kent, the mother of one of Miss Withers’s friends, wrote to the letters page of The Daily Telegraph, describing her as a “delightful” house guest.
A source close to the family said: “The wedding is still definitely on.
“They are a bit shocked and embarrassed by the whole episode but their commitment to each other is stronger than one email.
“Hopefully it’s something that the whole family can laugh about in years to come.”
The row erupted six weeks ago when Mrs Bourne repeatedly sent a sarcasm-laden email to Miss Withers complaining of an alleged lack of manners during a stay at the family at “Houndspool”, her home in Dawlish, Devon, in April.
Accusing her of displaying a “staggering lack of grace”, she used her to consider attending a finishing school.
Mrs Bourne, an old girl of Malvern St James girls’ school, Worcs, complained that Miss Withers had been a fussy eater – even though she is diabetic – and criticised her recently unemployed parents for being unable to pay much towards the wedding.
She also condemn their decision to hold the wedding reception at the castle as a “brash and celebrity like” choice.
Yesterday staff at the castle declined to offer any riposte to Mrs Bourne.
“Everyone is keeping a low profile,” said one man who declined even to give his name.

 

[MrsJrotax101]

Groom denies 'Miss Fancypants' mother-in-law row was PR stunt for weddings firm

The groom whose stepmother's vitriolic email about his fiancée became an internet sensation has broken his silence to deny claims that the affair was a publicity stunt for his new wedding business.

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Freddie Bourne and Heidi Withers (NATIONAL)

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Carolyn Bourne and her husband Edward at their home near Dawlish, Devon Photo: SWNS


Freddie Bourne registered a company catering for "dream" weddings a fortnight ago, just days before the email about his wife-to-be, Heidi Withers, was leaked onto the internet.

Mr Bourne, a St Andrews University contemporary of Prince William and Kate Middleton, told The Daily Telegraph that the timing was nothing more than an "unfortunate coincidence".

But Max Clifford, the public relations guru, described the storm over the email as a “gift from heaven” for Mr Bourne’s new business and said that, if it was a PR stunt, he should be congratulated for “initiative”.

Last night speculation was also mounting that the wedding plans have been cancelled because of the furore over Mrs Bourne’s email.

Miss Withers’ father, Alan, said that he doubted that the church ceremony followed by a reception at Berkeley Castle, Glos, on October 13 would now go ahead at the original venue and date.


In her email Mrs Bourne derided the choice of venue as “brash”.
“Freddy and Heidi are still very much in love and I hope the wedding will still go ahead at some point,” he said.
“Hopeful it will all be sorted out, we just want to forget everything and move on.”
Last night Mr Bourne said: “Our wedding is absolutely still going ahead we are very much looking forward to it.”
But he refused to confirm whether it would be going ahead on the planned date or venue.
Other members of the Withers and Bourne families also declined to deny the speculation that the event is off.
Mrs Bourne said: “I’ve nothing to add.”
Freddie Bourne, 29, and two friends registered Mise-en-bouche Ltd – a specialist caterer for “dream” weddings – on June 16.
Only days later, his stepmother, Carolyn, a plant breeder from Dawlish, Devon, attracted headlines around the world when her coruscating email to Heidi Withers bemoaning her alleged lack of manners was leaked on the internet.
Characterising her as “vulgar” and graceless, it subjected her table manners, conversation topics, morning lie-ins and choice of wedding venue to a savage point-by-point critique.
It earned Mrs Bourne the nickname the “mother-in-law from hell” in Britain and “momzilla” in America.
Miss Withers’s father responded by branding her “Miss Fancy Pants”.
Mr Bourne, 29, who lives with Miss Withers and their shih tzu dog, Whisky, in a flat in Fulham, west London runs a successful online business supplying bicycles.
But two weeks ago he and two friends Anthony Teale and Alexander Bayliss formally registered Mise-en-bouche Ltd, a canapés and cocktails specialist which claims to offer the “best wedding catering in London”.
“Your wedding will be one of the most important days of your life,” its online publicity insists.
“And for that reason, everything has to be perfect.”
But Mr Bourne insisted that that there was no connection between the storm over his marriage plans and his new role in the wedding events firm.
“I categorically deny that any of this is a publicity stunt," he said.
“The timing is simply an unfortunate coincidence.”
He admitted that he and Miss Withers could benefit financially from the publicity surrounding the bitter relations between the two women after receiving offers for the media rights to their £18,000 wedding to be held in Berkeley castle, Gloucestershire, in October.
"We have indeed received offers, but have accepted nothing," he said.
Max Clifford said he had been flooded with calls from people suggesting that he must be “behind” the story, adding that about 90 per cent of those he had spoken to were convinced it was a “set up”.
He said that he did not personal believe it was a PR stunt but added: “For his company, it is a gift from heaven.
“If it is a coincidence it is a wonderful coincidence.
"But if it is not - congratulations for initiative.”
Louise Ellerton, a leading London brand consultant, said the publicity could prove to be a “double edged sword” bringing a surge of publicity for the new business but also some notoriety.
“That clearly might not be ideal from the founder’s perspective, but as time goes on the public memory is quite forgiving,” said Miss Ellerton of The Value Engineers consultancy.
“It’s a case of getting through the initial period after the flare and then capitalising on that awareness in a way that tells the story they want people to hear.”
Mrs Bourne's husband Edward laughed off suggestions that his wife's sharp-tongued message could be a publicity stunt for his son adding: "I couldn't comment on that."
Mr Teale said that there was “categorically” no publicity stunt and dismissed suggestions that the company's website had been taken down because of recent events.
He insisted that the company would moving away from organising weddings to focus on corporate events when it is relaunched in October – a date which coincides with Mr Bourne’s wedding.